Aware of Me

I remember when I was in kindergarten we had a fire drill. Now I was only six so I can’t confirm for positive that these stories went together, but as I recall it they did. I remember the fire drill as frantic. I think I was nervous but did know that there was no fire. All that really sticks out to me was that I couldn’t get one of my boots on. The line started moving and we were supposed to follow the teacher. I followed, but was a little panicked because I couldn’t get my boot on and no one was helping me…

Sometimes I still feel this way. The circumstances of life begin to swell and everything feels frantic. I rush around trying to get things done, but no matter how hard I try I can’t get my boot on. Finally I trip over myself and fall flat on my face. Then I lift my eyes to see my Father standing a few feet from me watching. In times past I would have been too ashamed to have gone to Him after having made such a fool of myself. But now I jump up and run as fast as my slopping boot will allow and I fall into His waiting arms.

In His gentle way He reminds me there really is no fire, and we don’t have to go that fast. Then He sits me down on the floor, fixes my boot and takes my hand, “Let’s go together this time.” He says and an indescribable relief washes over me.

We were made to live one day at a time. The Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow, because we can’t handle it.

The longer I walk with the Lord the younger I get. I used to think of myself as driving the car with the Lord as my navigator. Then I decided I’d let Him drive and I’d just be the adult passenger. Now I’m just a little girl, sitting in my car seat in the back. Sometimes I still worry if Daddy’s going too fast, too slow, or if He really knows where we’re going at all. Yet when I voice my concerns from the backseat, Daddy only smiles and asks, “Am I going to take care of you?”

Then I respond with the answer He has taught me to believe, “Yes.”

“Then don’t worry and enjoy the ride. Look at all the pretty things out the window.”

Last night my dad played me a song by MercyMe call Unaware. What hit me most about this song was the childlikeness of it. When you first realize you’re not an adult passenger but just a child in the backseat it can be frightening, because you see for the first time that you are completely helpless. Yet it’s only in this place that you can discover what it’s like to be loved by the Father and what it’s like to be cared for as His child. And when you are His child, you find yourself slowly becoming unaware of everything (fire drills, boots that won't go on, things of the future, things of the past, things of the present!) because you know that He’s aware of you. And you know that He's going to take care of you.

Forgive me if I stare
But I am taken back
That You would let me here
Regardless of my past
Oh my hands are shaking now
But I catch my breath somehow
Oh, I am free at last

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me

Tell me how I got here
I couldn't make it on my own
Just tell me I can stay
Cause it feels so much like home
And I lose all track of time
When I look into Your eyes
Your love is all I know

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me

I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be
If You weren't there to call my name and rescue me

Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name

I'm unaware of all my fears
And I'm unaware of all my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name

I'm unaware that I still breathe
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me