Should've

"If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also.

If anyone serves Me, him My Father will honor.

John 12:26

"Should've..." I don't know how many times a day I hear that or am the one to say it!

I've said before, I like to be efficient. I come from a whole family of hard working, efficient people, who have incredibly high expectations of ourselves. If things need to get done we're going to do it!

Yet I am also the person who has prayed, "Lord I want to available to You! When someone comes to talk to me, I want to give them my full attention as if they're the only person in the world at that moment." 

Never be afraid to ask for things in prayer. If you're weak in an area ask Him to strengthen you. BUT, don't be surprised when He answers.

I'm a writer. I write children's fiction novels and I love it! (most of the time) I have a routine, I come home from work, eat, get cleaned up and then settle in for a nice quiet evening of story writing. 

Well for the past number of months my evenings have been anything BUT a nice quiet evening of story writing! Let it be known, when you're writing the Lord's story, you can't write if He doesn't give you anything to say. 

I would settle in at my desk hoping to get some inspiration for my book and would instead be directed to write an email to a friend.

"Lord, what about stories?"

"I thought you wanted to be available?" 

Smile. "Oh yeah, that's right."

Next night: Okay! We did that email to a friend thing, tonight we can write? Then my cell phone goes off with a text message from a friend in need of a listening ear. 

"You wanted to treat them like they were the only person in the world, right?" 

Smile. "Yep, I said that."

I'm finding you can't have both. If you're going to follow the Lord you're not always (rarely) going to get done everything you think you "should've." It's about being obedient.

Yet we can still drive ourselves into the ground even when we're obedient with the "should've" mentality!

I changed the world for all eternity today, but I should've...

gotten another load of laundry done.

cleaned the house.

went to the store.

prepped a Bible lesson.

cooked a fancier meal.

washed the car.

wrote a blog post.

wrote a book!

cut fabric for Project Linus blankets.

organized my room.

burned that cd for my sister.

transferred my home-movies to DVD.

wrote an email.

posted more family pictures.

put together a Christmas program.

You know what you "should've" done. But the Bible says:

"Judge not, that you be not judged.

"For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged;

and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

Matthew 7:1-2

When we hear this verse we often think of judging other people. But what about ourselves? Though in my family we are all hard working, efficient people, with incredibly high standards for ourselves, we have a lot of grace for each other. We don't think the other person "should've" gotten done what they thought they "should've", (usually we're too busy marveling at all they did get done!) 

But we judge ourselves and are thus doubly judged. I know the measure with which I judge myself! Scary! And I get it twice over, no wonder I feel frustrated when I don't get my "should've" list done!

The other day the Lord sat me down and nicely told me to STOP IT! I don't have the eyes or the understanding to judge what is the best use of my time. Wait! My time? My life is not my own, I've been bought with a price, so it's His time and how ridiculous is that? I'm telling Him how He should be using His time. The Creator of time! Who has been around forever needs me to help Him manage His schedule? I don't think so.

I don't have the eyes or understanding to see all that He is doing, in and through me. So all I can do is be obedient. And if I'm obedient and I find myself at the end of the day still having not...

gotten another load of laundry done.

cleaned the house.

gone to the store.

prepped a Bible lesson.

cooked a fancier meal.

washed the car.

wrote a blog post.

wrote a book!

cut fabric for Project Linus blankets.

organized my room.

burned that cd for my sister.

transferred my home-movies to DVD.

wrote an email.

posted more family pictures.

Or

put together a Christmas program.

It's not my problem, it's His. I may have wanted to get those things done, but if I'm obedient, then I know, I've done EVERYTHING I "should've."