How Disappointing

They wander up and down for food,

And howl if they are not satisfied.

Psalm 59:15

This verse is not one I'm very familiar with, it's not one I would pursue to find or use to describe myself but tonight I think it fits... like a ripped up old shirt you should have thrown away. (not saved away for painting projects) 

Do people ever disappoint you? 

What you hoped they would do or say they didn't. 

Has the Lord ever disappointed you?

(be honest now)

He didn't come through to give you or do for you what you hoped He would.

I've sure gotten disappointed. People have disappointed me the Lord has disappointed me.

The word disappoint sounds very sincere, like an innocent bystander to the cruelty of this world. I must admit I have spent years of my life in fear of disappointment. Fearing that my greatest hopes will be dashed on the rocks of reality. 

Well tonight I was talking to the Lord about this disappointment and wondering how a person could maybe avoid it or at least not be afraid of it. His suggestion was to look up the word in the dictionary. So I did.

Disappoint: 1. to fail to satisfy the hopes or expectations of; to leave unsatisfied. 

I wander up and down for food,

and howl when I'm not satisfied.

I read that dictionary definition over and over again just so I could keep feeling the pain of that slap on my selfish face! 

They failed to satisfy me!

Who do you think you are! (outside of being a real jerk!) Disappoint sounds so innocent and sincere, while fail to satisfy sounds like a selfish snot!

As I sat there with that dictionary in my lap I applied that definition to the person who had (most recently) disappointed me. 

They failed to satisfy me!

Oh the sick feeling in my stomach as I imagined that person as if they were right there before me and those harsh judgments were hanging over their head. You failed! And I'm not satisfied. 

I never in a million years would say such a thing to someone, but without knowing it, I'd thought it through my disappointment. My underlying and unreasonable expectations of them had set the bar for their inevitable fall. 

And if I wasn't already feeling bad enough, my thoughts turned to the Lord, and all the times I've been disappointed with Him. The Lord can never fail, but just the same I declared with my disappointment what I had declared to so many others: You failed! And I'm not satisfied. 

I wanted to feel that slap on my face for what I had unknowingly done. It was disgusting and I wanted to be disgusted. Yet after my moment of revelation and disgust, the Lord moved me on. His point in bringing up this truth wasn't to shame me, but to teach me.

Now I'm not here to define the application of disappointment, if one is ever justified to feel disappointed or not I'm not claiming to know, but I do know disappointment can be a very selfish thing. It begins with my perspective of a situation, when my expectations are aren't met I'm not satisfied, and this self centered cycle can easily slip into my feeling sorry for myself.
So if my disappointment holds those traits then I know it's not a good or justified thing.

But what do I do? Immediately two reasons for why I am vulnerable to disappointment came to me. Trust and thankfulness.

How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!

Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.

They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,

And you give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.

Psalm 36:7-8

My disappointment in people and in the Lord all stem back to this same truth. Trust and thankfulness. 

Do I trust the Lord to take care of me? Do I trust Him to know what is needed beyond this situation that I can see?
I live in the moment and the Lord works for the whole. I get disappointed in the Lord when what I wanted to happen in this moment doesn't. But I'm not in a position to say if something should really happen in this moment, because I can't see what's coming next. If I packed everything into this moment, it would be a jumbled mess and things would be here before His perfectly orchestrated preparations had been complete. Simply put, I wouldn't be ready!

I was created to be filled and satisfied by the Lord, so if I'm relying on people to satisfy me or make me feel comfortable in my situation than I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm currently writing a book on a subject I know very little about. This makes me uncomfortable, I don't like not knowing about things when I'm supposed to be writing about them like I do!
The Lord has provided someone to come alongside me and help me as I study this subject, which has been incredibly helpful and time saving! BUT... I can't rely on this person to satisfy me or make me feel comfortable. They may have stepped up to help me, but I was sent to give something to them... Jesus Christ. And I can't give Christ, if I'm selfishly looking at my needs, hopes, and expectations.

When I trust the Lord to take care of my needs, and satisfy me with the fullness of Himself, than I can choose thankfulness instead of disappointment. I can thank Him for the things He didn't do in this moment because I know, He knows what's best for me. I can thank Him for the people He has put in my life even if they don't meet my expectations, because I'm looking at what I can give instead of what I can get.

As for me, I will see Your face in righteousness;

I shall be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness.

Psalm 17:15