The Taste of Victory!

I originally started this post in May of 2019. It was never finished or posted. I came across it today and felt compelled to wrap it up.

One morning (May 2019) I was watching my eight younger siblings and I was embarking on the task of making them breakfast. I was letting them all chose what they wanted and one of my siblings picked to have a banana with peanut butter and chocolate chips.
After peeling the banana I wondered what kind of peanut butter they'd want. We have all natural chunky and honey roasted. I kind of thought they might want honey roasted but the all natural chunky was already out so I used it.
I delivered her meal to the table and moved on to the next kid. Then that question came.

"What kind of peanut butter is this?"

I started to feel that dread as I replied. Usually I give kids a, tough on you, just eat it response, but this particular sibling isn't a picky eater, so I tend to try and hear those ones out a little more. 

They informed me they liked honey roasted, but I held to the fading hope I still might get away with this kind of peanut butter just this once (sometimes kids feel better if they tell you for the future.) Nope, not this time, next statement.

"I don't like this."

The internal fuse had been lit, but before it could explode out my tongue the Lord jumped in and quickly said with a smile, "This is what you prayed for!" My full force frustration collided with this reality He was presenting and I wasn't sure what to think.

He was right. My sibling had spent most of their life feeling like they were a bother to us. You could never get them to tell you if they liked a meal or not because they were always trying to answer in the way they thought you wanted. This had grieved my heart on many occasions. I had indeed prayed that they'd find the freedom and confidence in their home and our love to be able to be honest.

Victory doesn't always feel like cheering crowds and arms thrown wide while crossing the finish line (especially when you are "celebrating" it in someone else's life!) 

When I think of the cross, I think of victory, but when I think of what it looked like, I think, messy! The greatest victory in all of human history looked like a mess. You can't have victory without first having a struggle, an undesirable revelation of our sin, a starting over, tension, etc. It wouldn't be victory if there was no opposition. The very word "victory" means: the overcoming of an enemy or antagonist; achievement of mastery or success in a struggle or endeavor against odds or difficulties.

My mom has a friend who even in the most trying of circumstances always sees the Lord's goodness. And not just His goodness in a forced smile kind of way, she sees His goodness in all it's glorious and glowing beauty. It's inspiring and precious and I desire to see His goodness in that way too. But I know that takes choosing, choosing not to look at the inconvenience that often accompanies having meaningful relationships with people, and look at the little victories that are taking place in their life.

That peanut butter banana breakfast was a long time ago now and I've forgotten any inconvenient frustration I had felt in that moment, all I feel is honored that I could pray for and witness that victory in their life. This post took me almost 6 1/2 years to finish, but that gave me the time to realize that the inconvenience, the mess, is for a moment, but the victory impacts the rest of their lives.

Dear Father, give me eyes to see the glorious beauty of Your goodness in every situation. Empower me to celebrate the victories of others and release my petty frustration at the inconvenience it may have cost me. For you loved Me first at a cost I can not even fathom. Thank you! In Jesus Christ' name, amen.